Self-care and Values

Hey League!

I have a question for you. How do you define self-care? Even now when I hear that phrase, I often think of someone wrapped in a towel with cucumbers on their eyes, getting a foot massage. While those types of pampering activities absolutely can be part of self-care, for me it’s more about how my daily activities align with my values. 

The other day, Dan posted a quote to his Facebook story that said. “What values guide your choices – and are you living up to them?” 

I realized the ways I care for myself are a big part of my values. Some of those values include being mindful of how I spend my time, connecting with nature, and being aware of what I consume. Not only what I eat or drink, but also what is allowed into my mind.

In today’s world which places so many demands on our time and attention, it almost feels like a radical act to focus on myself. At first, there was a gnawing sense of “I should be doing something more productive.” What is more productive than ensuring we look after our health? Yet the world often tries to teach us that things we do only matter if they generate revenue or can be measured as progress in a way other people value. 

Over the years, I have made numerous lists with titles such as “Things I can do instead of being online” or “Activities instead of doom-scrolling.” None of these lists ever helped me to put my phone down 😅but I was trying to adopt a mindset of using my time more wisely. I usually label various activities as good (hiking, reading, working out) or bad (social media, binge-watching Seinfeld for the 70th time). Yet I still marveled at the power that some things had over my attention. It was so easy to lose hours of time and then regret that I didn't get out for a walk. Yet I’d repeat the same mistakes every day. 

I don’t even like scrolling on my phone! It drains my energy, puts me in a sour mood, encourages me to dislike people I’d never met, and basically is antithetical to my values. It wasn’t until I started connecting my actions with those values that things finally started to change, and self-care is one of the most important aspects. 

It’s funny how we’ve outsourced so much of what keeps us alive in order to free up our time. Yet most of that freed-up time is spent working, doing dozens of tasks to upkeep our complicated lives, or recovering from the stress those things cause. We zonk out in front of the TV or scroll on our phones (often both at the same time), believing that the downtime will help us to relax and destress. Except it doesn’t. Ironically, things like social media and TV actually stimulate and tire our brains and bodies even more, leading to problems sleeping, increased anxiety, and disrupted circadian rhythms. 

Finding the right balance between getting everything done and taking good care of myself has been a frustrating endeavor. On an ideal day, it takes several hours of focused self-care to balance out the stresses of life. It can be hard to find 30 minutes to do a workout, so how are we supposed to find several hours? 

I realized that for me, many of those self-care items could fall into the shorter periods of time that I’d often spend on my phone. The little voice in my head would tell me that I didn’t have enough time to do anything important, like take a 30-minute walk, so what harm would 5 minutes spent on my phone do? Yet if I spent 5 minutes on my phone numerous times a day, it added up to a lot of time. There were days I got notifications that I spent more than 4 hours a day just on my phone, which didn’t even include the time spent on my computer! It wasn’t that I used my phone for huge chunks of time, it was dozens of times of opening Reddit or Facebook to see what was going on every time I had a moment of boredom. Those 4 hours weren’t in alignment with my values. But what could I really do with 5-10 minutes that would make a difference?

Turns out, quite a lot! 

*Make a cup of tea
*Chop veggies for a lunch salad
*Clean up my workspace
*Play with the dog
*Check in with someone I care about
*Plan my meals for the next day
*Walk (or Ruck!) a couple of laps around the yard
*Chat with my husband on his lunch break
*Journal for 10 minutes
*Read a book chapter

There’s nothing mind-blowing here, but it was the mindset shift that made the difference for me. This isn’t about squeezing in every minute of productivity that I can or checking something off a  list. It’s about being mindful of my time and being present with myself. It’s about aligning with my values. As I sit here typing, I can pick up my phone and text my sister. But I wouldn’t be fully engaged with her or my writing. It is the engaged presence that transforms these things into self-care actions. Squeezing as much as I can into a few spare minutes isn’t stress-relieving. Quite the opposite, in fact. But consciously and mindfully taking a few minutes to engage in something that I enjoy, that fills my cup, does alleviate that stress. I get so much more out of taking the time to enjoy making my cup of tea than I do checking the news or scrolling Reddit. I’m quite surprised that only a few minutes make such a big difference in how I feel throughout the day. 

This mindset shift has resulted in more resilience and not feeling overwhelmed or burned out. I don't feel exhausted at the end of every day. I actually get more done while feeling less stressed about everything. This morning, I had to drag the trash can to the curb through 6 inches of snow and take my son to school when he normally rides the bus. I then tried to sweep our steps which resulted in the wind blowing snow back in my face. By the time I got inside to make my coffee, I was irritated and my brain was off and running with stories about the first hour of the day meant the next 15 hours were doomed. I had only been awake for an hour and was wishing I could retreat to bed. Rather than continuing in that mindset, I stopped and took 5 slow, deep breaths and chose to stop believing the storyline in my head. I set my attention on making my coffee and enjoying the first couple of sips and by then the crabby mood had passed. 

Taking just a few minutes to focus on self-care actions that align with your values can change the course of your entire day. It can help you make the choices you actually want to make instead of defaulting to ones you might regret later. I get more energy and renewal from mindfully making a cup of tea than I get from an energy drink. Consciously engaging in the things that bring joy and a sense of well-being makes all the difference.

What works for you? Do you find small moments in the day to look after yourself even when you can’t be on an hour-long walk or getting a massage? Where can you take back some of your time and claim it for yourself? 

Have a wild weekend!
-Kim